Nobody knows where to start with this kind of thing….

When you lose a loved one no matter how expected it always seems too soon…this is how I felt when we recently lost my grandmother. Although she was old and not doing well it still came as a shock to me…but then to lose another member of our family so suddenly only a week later the stages of grief were the same and yet so much more.

When you Google “Stages of grief” you get 5 stages: Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. What I think I got was overwhelm, disbelief, regret, sadness, anger, and the continuing on.

The overwhelming feeling of loss; the heartache of emptiness the feeling of so much feeling you feel physically heavy.

Disbelief; in moments you forget because it seems so unreal. Like when you are making a plan for the next day and include that person with out even thinking only to remember they aren’t here anymore.

Regret; the blame on yourself that you could have changed fate. You could have directed things to be different. You should have told them you love them more, you should have warned them of all the possible outcomes…and on and on.

Sadness; it comes like waves not so much in waves but like huge waves crashing over you and the moment of panic like you might never find firm ground again.

Anger; at who ever runs this place, god, energy, fairness….why??

The book says acceptance but I have to say it doesn’t really feel like that…it’s more like doing daily things and letting the repetitiveness take over.

So in conclusion, losing someone sucks and feels unfair….and trying to find positives or underlying meaning is crap. Nothing but time will help dull the pain.